Conundrum

My fallible percipience, which has always been endeavouring to discern
Your variegated life, that is shimmering so lacklustrely,
Has disembogued into a fathomless creek of intricacy.
I’m discombobulated: this introspection dawns almost into third degree,
But why do I humble myself? Am I infatuated?
Yet my apperception seems to insinuate perspicaciousness.

The amaurosis has cauterized my emotions.
The dearth of yearning for concupiscence, belike salaciousness,
Decries me, pushes me into disintegration.

Brace yourself! Sojourn a breathing within your essence,
Sight her pulchritude and relish the grace of her soul!

The quest for pensiveness has made me woebegone –
Now that aramants blossom and twine around me
I cannot extinguish the wish anymore to fall into oblivion.

My fallible percipience has belatedly but at last discerned
Your variegated life, that is shimmering so dazzingly beautiful,
And descries an alluring arcadia of adoration and yen.
I’m pining: this craving dawns almost into love,
But why do I humble myself? Am I spellbound?
My perception seems to have sacrificed all reasoning power.

“Mäi Liewen als Fötus …

… Bungeejumping mat der Nuebelschnouer!”

Friday night: Kirstine celebrated her 20th birthday at the George & Dragon. Some people screamed while playing dart. The publican told us we didn’t drink enough. Some of us played pool. But we (being PW and I) didn’t have any luck and lost every single game. ;)

Even so it was a great evening filled with a lot of splitting laughter. We really should repeat this some time! :)

Thereafter – A Fragment

But we, only human, have nothing but a few minutes of joy to travel a world full of sorrow.

When I woke up it was about two o’clock in the morning. I couldn’t prevent myself from turning around and looking at that empty space beside me. Not that I imagined finding her lying there next to me, but still there was this absurd hope that had kept me awake every night.

She had been gone for two weeks at that time. Probably it would be decades before I’d see her again – if there is an afterlife. But, although that meant that I would have to die, I wished that I wouldn’t have to wait tens of years.

I kept lying there for hours, staring at the ceiling. Sometimes as I laid there I thought I could see her. How many nights did I watch her sleep, praying that those moments would never end. And then, in a single moment, it all ceased.

I’d always feared that her smoking would kill her. Those nightmares of seeing her in hospital, losing her fair hair which she had often dyed black and then, slowly but surely closing her eyes and pass away. I’m glad she didn’t die of cancer. I couldn’t have seen her suffer that much. I couldn’t have beared seeing her decease in pain.

I didn’t even see her die. When the phone rang that day I instantely knew that something terrible had happened to Eleina even before the officer could present himself and ask me to come to the morgue. I will never forget the moment I saw her lying there. She had this corpse white colour that up until that moment I had only seen on tv and at the movies. The first moment I didn’t want to recognize her. My heart, my hope, my fear told me that perchance, if I deny that it was Eleina who was lying there, it wouldn’t be true. But there was no escape, that woman was the love of my life. The scenery would have burned itself in my mind with every tiny detail, but there were none. The scrupulous cleanliness of the silver metal plates was only exceeded by the excessively unichrome white coat that hurt my bloodshot eyes. Through my fuzzy view the officer’s weapon began to look like the only thing that could cure me of the cancer.

Then I woke up here, straitjacketed.

Google meets party.lu

This might be the end of party.lu. But no, it’s not getting any better. It’s free, it’s labeled Google and it has… already exceeded its capacity. The source code produced apparently has nothing to do with clear, well-structured HTML (but hey, party.lu’s hasn’t either…). A special feature you get here is you create your webpage inside a super-fantastic and enormously modern AJAX interface.

Google Pages

I dislike Google more and more.

Longest

– day in my life: November 21st, 2003
– email I’ve written: exactly 10’000 words
– favourite song: 23:17 minutes (Sleep by Godspeed You Black Emperor)
– time I’ve spent abroad in a row: four weeks
– project without losing interest: three years (naischtnotz.net)
– time without a working computer: three days
– time awake: fifty hours

may be expanded in the comments or taken over by other blogs if someone else feels bored ;-)

I saw your face in a crowded place

Who would have thought that lyrics of such a simplicity could describe an experience that one cannot picture if one has never lived to see it? Could anyone believe that in a single moment one sees the own future, completely different from what one always imagined?

I am talking about James Blunt’s song “You’re beautiful”. For those of you who don’t know the song, it’s about a man who encounters the woman of his dreams in a subway, but is unable to do anything, as she is with another man. So, they just share a single yet everlasting moment of eye contact and go on with their respective lifes.

So why am I writing about this? It’s only another stupid and totally absurd pop song, isn’t it? Well, I at least have always thought that it’s simply a nice idea, but that it was completely unrealistic – until a few days ago. No, I wasn’t on a subway – alas there is no such thing in Luxembourg – I was in a mall. It was perhaps one of the most preternatural experiences in my life. The moment I saw this girl, I could picture my future in every detail, be it ever so insignificant, literally everything suddenly made sense. It lasted only for these few seconds we were in the revolving door, but during these few moments I felt as if there was a whole different life waiting for me somewhere.

“(…) anything that can happen, will happen.” – Alan Guth

The parallel universes are said to be non-fungible (meaning there’s no way of communicating with any of these parallel universes), but maybe this experience was my unique chance to get a glimpse at what my life could be like if things would have gone slightly (or totally?) different. Perhaps I will have forgotten this imaginative future and this girl in a week or two – and this fear is also a reason why I blog about it – but it was an experience catchy enough that it might have a deep influence on how I perceive my life.

This encounter might not have happened to show me what life could be completely different if things in the past had gone differently, but to show me that the possibilities are endless. My life shall not be governed by the past, even still from this moment onwards, every decision I make may change my life – if any decision will be the right one might remain unknown to me forever, or, with much luck, I will see the day when I can look back and everything will make so much sense as it made during those seconds of the encounter.

Adrasteia

Have I ever told you I dislike your reek of cigarettes?
The beer you doused over my jeans has deadened my heart,
The words you said to me tonight have driven us more apart,
The view you give me on this world is prevailed by a big matte.

Have I ever told you you’re the least beautiful girl in town?
The clothes you wear are totally inelegant,
The earrings you have are absolutely distasteful,
The tattoos you get makes your appeal go steadily down.

Have I ever told you you’re a picture of misery?
The ostentatious pseudo-dolefulness is tedious,
The tears you cry make me irritatingly nervous,
The heartache you complain so much of is shady.

Even so and all the same,
My mortified soul and my agonized heart
Carry a torch for you – with an everlasting flame.


Adrasteia (old Greek) = the inescapable

I’m back!

Tell you what: these were probably the three toughest days in my life. Before telling you what happened, first of all, my sincere thanks go to Gilles, Serge and Raff for their tips! And, if he ever reads this blog, many thanks to my dad without whom I still would sit in front of a black screen.

A short note before telling you the whole story: the apps I’ve used were of course installed on a bootable cd. ;-)

So, what happened? As I already wrote in the previous post, my filesystem was severely damaged, not to say: it was completely broke, which means no chance at all to get the system back to work. Nevertheless, I’ve tried that with several different methods – hope dies last.

Step 1: Tiger Install DVD, started Disk Utility. Certainly the first application everyone chooses if the system doesn’t work as it should. Neither verifying, nor repairing, nor rebuilding succeeded, I got a fatal error every time.

Step 2: Safe boot. Damn it, the system doesn’t boot at all, so how do get it to boot in safe mode? A question which led me to…

Step 3: Drive Genius. A nice app that I’ve used to defragment my harddisk. It can also be used to repair a system. But, it totally failed in doing so in my case. I’ve defragmented my disk, which curiously worked, but didn’t help me of course. (Hope dies last…)

Step 4: My dad came up with Disk Warrior. Ah, the magic tool that could rebuild any system! Well, almost. Because mine, it couldn’t rebuild.

Step 5: Ask someone for help. Gilles told me that if the filesystem’s broke, there was only one alternative left: re-partition my harddisk. That would of course have meant losing all of my files, some of which I hadn’t backuped yet. But, as I was told, I could try get my files back using Ubuntu. So I downloaded the ~650 mb Ubuntu LiveCD on my dad’s computer.

Step 6: Boot in Single User mode. (Why didn’t I think about this earlier?) Observation: Shit. In Single user mode, the keyboard’s American English. So back to my dad’s computer, googled an image of such a keyboard and back to my iBook. Typed /sbin/fsck -fy. Got a message: fatal error. Another try, same result.

In the mean time, Ubuntu was fully downloaded so I could at least boot from the LiveCD and use Firefox to search for help on some forums. I could finally check my mails again. Omfg, what a spam! Anyone needs a hundred million dollars? I won so much money in the last couple of days… ;-)

Step 7: Near to complete desperation. So I decided to make a post on the blog, maybe anyone would come up with an idea how I could fix this.

Step 8: Data Rescue. My dad came up with his zip drive, as I needed an external disk to save the recovered files onto. But, as most of you know, a zip drive to place a whole 60gb harrdisk onto it is rare, if not inexistent. So, yesterday afternoon my dad and I went to a computer shop, and got a LaCie 250 GB Porsche Edition external harddisk. What a nice clean design! (picture). Back at home: format the disk, plug it onto my iBook, boot from the Data Rescue CD and run Data Rescue. Long story short: it worked! Some mp3s and videos are lost, but for what concerns the mp3s they were free downloads so I can download them again and for what concerns the videos, some of them I have published on naischtnotz.net (I was never so happy having that site) and the others were not so important that I would cry.

Step 9: Re-partition my harddisk, reinstall the system.

Step 10: Open a bottle of champagne. Mental note to myself: buy my dad a big box of chocolates.

Conclusion: I LOVE Data Rescue! It already saved the pictures that got lost on my digital camera back in July last year when the card got a heat stroke in Lloret and deleted all of the images and now it saved my whole hard disk.

There are however good things about this experience:
– I got an external harddisk;
– I will never ever forget to backup important files;
– I learned a lot about the Mac OS X system;
– I worked on a Linux for the first time (and I don’t like the Ubuntu interface).

Now all I still have to do is finish installing all the applications and I can resume working seriously on naischtnotz.net. There’ll be a bunch of new funny videos going online during the next week! :-)

And now finally I’ll get some restful sleep…

(Mental note to myself: don’t write a post at 4 o’clock, I bet there are a bunch of mistakes. :))

Help, anyone?

Running hardware test… Hardware OK
Running disk verification… Verification failed: Fatal error
Repairing disk… Disk repair failed: Fatal error

F*ck!

That’s been my life for the past two days, after my filesystem has been severely damaged. I wouldn’t care about having to reformat the whole hdd, but there are a bunch of files and hundreds of emails which would be lost. For the time being, I’m running my laptop on a Ubuntu Live CD, at least, that way, I can check my e-mails. My problem, in a nutshell, is having unintentionally interrupted the updating of the system (OS X 10.4.4 to OS X 10.4.5) and now being unable to boot.

Anyone has an idea how I could recover the files? (If anybody knew how to rebuild the system would be great, but I don’t mind reinstalling it as long as I get my files.)

I’ve of course tried all the classic methods: Disk Utility could neither repair nor rebuild the system, booting from the Install DVD succeeded (but it didn’t find a harddisk to reinstall onto), booting in safe mode was unsuccessful, DiskWarrior couldn’t repair the disk and I didn’t have any chance with the single user mode either. I’ve been told that I might try to recover my files using Ubuntu, but I haven’t found out yet how I should do that.

How great are the chances that I might recover the files after having partitioned the hdd and reinstalled the system?

Damn it, the first thing I’m going to do when this shit works again is buy an external harddisk. :-(