Having had to write the personal statement for the application to university and a discussion with Serge about whether we have a real influence on our lifes lead me to think about where I’m going to be in a few years and what I’m going to do.
It is kind of irritating not knowing an exact answer to the question. I always imagined coming back to Luxembourg after my studies and live here for the rest of my life, but I did never really think about it. At the moment I don’t know if I want to return after having finished university, I don’t know if meeting new friends and gaining new experiences will cause me to go on living in a different country.
It is weird thinking about this for the first time. I never considered not coming back. A few months ago a friend of mine told me she was not going to return after her studies, and I was shocked – if only because this meant I wouldn’t see her often. But I finally come to understand what might have caused her decision and it kind of scares me that I got reasons not to return myself.
Partially it is certainly due to my dissatisfaction about still being here. It’s not so much studying at the University of Luxembourg – although that bugs me too – but rather the fact of still being in that capital where I have been passing most of my time for the last six years and walking past the different high schools I’ve been to every day. And there are a whole series of people I’d rather not see so often or even not at all.
Yes, I have to blame myself for everything was already set to go to Germany and I reconsidered the decision of studying German philology in the very last moment, but that decision was the right one to make. I study German philology as a minor subject now – and it’s terribly boring.
During the first week of class, we had this simple but tough exercise of writing an article about our life in 2020. I was a webdesigner, lived in Vancouver, was married, had two children and lived in a nice single-family house. Oh, and not to make it too boring, I had just become Time Magazine’s man of the year. :) To be a webdesigner is only a great dream, seriously, designing websites is nothing more than a nice hobby and I can’t imagine working in an industry in which firms vanish as quickly as they are created, but living in Vancouver would be great!
The more I think about it, the more I’d love to live in a large city – Vancouver, Wellington, San Francisco would be great places to name a few. I’m not keen on spending more years in a city which looks like a ghost town after 18 o’clock.
And what am I going to do? Writing has been taking on most of my free time. I’m not planning on becoming a writer, poet or whatever. But I’m starting to realize that I cannot deny the possibility anymore either. My vision of which business I’m going to work in blurs the more I try to get a clear view of it.
Will I leave Luxembourg forever this September? Maybe, maybe not. At the moment at least I have absolutely no reason to return. Will I be good enough to earn money with my texts? Well I’m definitely lacking the hubris to think that. :-)
Here I am world, tell me where to go.