13.54. Wake up, turn the radio on. Faultline featuring Coldplay: “Your love means everything Part 2”. I feel so dull. I can’t remember the last time I woke up well rested. It must have been years ago. 13.55. I watch the hand slowly moving towards 14. In eight hours this day will finally be over. Fortunately I already missed most of it and didn’t have to think about anything. Nothing but sweet little nightmares that haunt me even now that I’m awake. 13.56. My mind is blank. Everything I did over the last years has led me to this moment. I made my dreams go and they left a void. Never go to bed with sorrow in your heart. I wouldn’t have slept at all in years if I’d follow that rule. 13.57. There is no reason to get up. Downstairs are only people I don’t want to see. Only people that never did nor will understand. School is no reason to get up, to live. There are no people there I’d wish to see. None of them asks questions. None of them sincerely wonders why I don’t eat. None of them knows I only sit there waiting for another opportunity to get drunk after school. 13.58. I might as well sleep the whole weekend. I might as well listen to this song endlessly. Constant ticking. Slowly idle minutes of my life fade away. Any attempt to fill them with an activity would be a waste of energy I don’t have. Any thought about getting up would be hypocrisy. 13.59. If I could live forever I would commit suicide. A hundred years of sorrow. Let’s hope there is no afterlife. If I had taken a different decision two years ago I wouldn’t lie here. But I did. 14.00. I’m deadened. Time to fall asleep.