Jumble again

Another Friday evening in town. No girls this time, just an evening with some friends, one of which you haven’t seen in months. The call of nature leads you to the toilet. On your way through the crowded pub you let a girl pass whom you don’t know. A smile, a moment that belongs to nobody else but both of you. Who was she? Was she beautiful? Where has she gone? You can’t answer any of these questions, but for one moment you’ve shared an instant that seemed like a lifetime. Maybe you’re too drunk and are hallucinating, but in the end you only got two beers so it probably is the real world.

It doesn’t matter if she was beautiful or not, if you will meet her again some day is of no importance either, the only thing that has an importance is that your paths crossed for a few seconds of your lives. The rest of your life will probably pass without any memory of that girl, but for a few short instants, she was important.

You can’t even remember what she looked like, only a couple of hours later. And still you think about her, her smile and how it is going to change your life to know that there are people out there who just give you a smile and make life enjoyable, if only for a single moment.

We cross so many humans on our journey, and most of them we forget even before they have fully disappeared behind the horizon. But aren’t it those people who change us the most? Aren’t it the people who just smile at you once and whom you never see again who have the power to inspire you forever?

Another Saturday evening in town, with the same guy as last week, plus another friend. The idea of opening one’s own pub comes up, it has been fantasized about sometimes before. Maybe it will become reailty, maybe it won’t. Nevertheless, it doesn’t matter. You don’t really have a plan for your future yet, and at least you’re open to the idea. Some free drinks, some talk to the owner of your regular pub, an entertaining evening in a quiet way. There are more people than last week, but no girls you could pick up: the cute ones are with their boyfriends, the others you don’t want to flirt with.

The idea of your own pub however strikes you this time. Maybe you’re a bit too pensive now that your 20th birthday is only three days away and you won’t be a teenager anymore. Suddenly you remember the cute girl you saw on Friday afternoon, the hottie with the pink hair slide that was almost too girlish. You idealize her though, you can’t think of any detail that would decrease her beauty. A simulacrum of perfection. You are vexed with yourself because you had no chance of talking to her and may never see her again. And she just was so pretty.

The future, is it destined? The question keeps coming back to your mind. You can see yourself clearly standing behind the bar of your own pub. You can imagine yourself being with that gorgeous girl with the pink hair slide. You can imagine passing the rest of your life with the friends that matter so much in your life now.

It is a desirable future, but at the same time you dread.

Do you really want to know what your future will be like, now? You see yourself as a member of the HCl, responsible for public relations, fighting for data privacy or anything else this non-profit organization will stand for. Suddenly you realize that you have already begun forming your future, that the plan for the rest of your life has already been set in motion, without you having consciously noticed it.

Then you ask yourself how it would be if you really met your ex-girlfriend again at university next September. And you wish that nothing at all is destined or has been set in motion. The girl with the pink slide might be another one who will inspire you. And you have no idea what your life will become.

In the end, the uncertainty is not so bad. It only shows you don’t have an elaborate life yet, or you can’t see it yet, which would not be so bad either.

The possibilities at this pont may still be endless.

3 thoughts on “Jumble again”

  1. Most of these ideas just rushed into my mind and I developed them only when I wrote the post. But I guess you’re right, I got an inclination towards melancholy.
    In the end that’s where I draw my energy from, which might sound strange I know, but I guess I pretty much suffer from a Baudelairian spleen. :)

  2. Pingback: sad autumn

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