I don’t love you or so and then I do or whatever

Anyone ever wondered how different three poems with the same motif can be? Well, here are three poems, all talking about the same, yet on the surface about something completely different. :)

scallywag

hand around your neck wreck
it all colour it black
lilac and then crack
up slash your skin here’s a tack
hang a cow bell round your neck
so you please your mack
don’t hide your breasts in that rag
you’re so well stacked
cut that neck open don’t neck
me don’t smile and brag
any feeling I had for you scallywag
I fear I couldn’t make it sag

—————————-
peach

they are brown in the dark,
they are green in the sun
anyway this red and I’m gone
it’s coal black at dawn
it’s reddish at sundown
anyway this red and I’ll bow
it is so full of life
it is without a scar
anyway your lips and I might mar

—————————-
crossed

dimples radiating joy of life
rufescent runs of good luck
nether sparkling greenish auburn
some aureate and ivory jewellery
a disarming and beatific smile
but cushion anything sacred
he shouldn’t have seen
walk past the shore of dignity
prune me of consummation’s anguish
hold you hold me
are we longing to coalesce

Playlist

Sleepless again, so this time I did something more or less productive: I reworked my late-night playlist. Got songs for over three hours now, which should be enough. :)

Anyone wanting to know what I’m now listening to early in the morning / late in the night (depends on your point of view ;)), or any other sleepless geek out there who wants some ideas for his playlist, here’s my list.

Bürokratie

Fir ewech, heimat well ech mech net opreegen, ech well meng Lieser just e bessen ameséiren: Zwou kleng Anekdoten fir déi Leit, déi sech froen wéi bürokratesch eng Uni eigentlech kann sin. :)

Fänken mer un mat der Umeldung fir d’zweet Semester op der Uni Lëtzebuerg.
1. Schrett: Et muss een sech op der Uni op engem Computer aloggen a säin Passwuert änneren, dat ee bei der Umeldung krut (wat awer komescherweis kee krut).
2. Schrett: D’Passwuert rausfannen, sech aloggen, d’Passwuert änneren (dat huet mussen Buchstaawen hun, Zifferen an wann ech mech richteg erenneren och een Underscore oder Minus. Bon dat hu meng souwisou emmer, also kee Probleem).
3. Schrett: Formulaire nokcuken op all d’Daten korrekt sin, op “Semestre 2” klicken an dat Ganzt rausdrécken.
4. Schrett: Op d’Uni an den Büro 1 ee gréngen Ziedel (et huet onbedengt missten dee Gréngen sin!) mat engem Stempel sichen goen.
5. Schrett: An den Büro 2 goen, wou een dann een Sticker op d’Studentenkaart gepecht (!) kritt, dass een och am 2. Semester nach op der Uni ass.
6. Schrett: 100€ per VISA (eppes anescht hun se net geholl, och kee Cash) iwwerweisen.

Bei deem Ganzen dierf een elo natirlech net de Feeler maachen wéi ech, dass een als Ignorant direkt an den Büro 2 geet, ouni ze wessen, dass dat den Büro 2 ass an dass et ee Büro 1 gett, well dann gett een vun e puer nerv??sen Leit an den Büro 1 geschéckt, well een jo onbedengt deen gréngen Ziedel mam Stempel brauch.

Dat alles ass awer nix géint d’Umeldungsprozedur fir op eng britesch Uni.

1. Schrett: Et muss een sech bei UCAS umellen fir 6 Unien (méi geet net). Dann muss een sengem Proff bescheed soen, fir dass deen dat Ganzt kann ofschécken (well dat kann een net selwer maachen).
2. Schrett: UCAS seet der Uni bescheed, dass een sech ugemellt huet, schéckt hinnen d’Empfehlungsschreiwen, den Essay firwat een well ausgerechent dat Fach studéiren (sou motivéiert an firun allem originell wéi méiglech, well deen Essay ass entscheedend) an d’Noten vum Premièresexamen. Déi 3 Saachen sin natirlech obligatoresch, wann eppes feelt gett d’Umeldung vun den Unien ignoréiert (ausser natirlech et huet een Resultater vum Examen nach net an gett un dass een déi noschéckt).
3. Schrett: Et kritt ee vu UCAS 6 Bréifer, wou all Kéiers drasteet, dass déi respektiv Uni een hellt oder och net. Ausserdeem stin dann do allkéiers d’Conditiounen dran déi d’Uni engem stellt fir definitiv ugeholl ze gin. (Wann een gudd genuch ass, kann et och sin, dass ee guer keng Conditiounen gestallt kritt, dat Gléck hat ech souguer bei diversen Unien :D).
4. Schrett: No deem 6. Bréif geet een op de Site vu UCAS an den Webinterface “Track”. Do wielt een dann un, op wéi eng Uni een elo well goen.
5. Schrett: Doropshin kritt een e Bréif vun UCAS, dass si der Uni lo gesot hun dass ee kennt. Da muss een ee Formulaire vu UCAS ausfellen, an deen un d’Uni schécken, fir dat anch eemol ze bestätegen.
6. Schrett: Da kritt een vun der Uni ee Bréif geschéckt, dass een demnächst een Bréif vu UCAS kritt.
7. Schrett: Da kritt ee vu UCAS ee Bréif geschéckt, dass een elo definitiv op där Uni ugeholl ass (firausgesat et kritt een d’Conditiounen erfellt, wéi eben zum Beispill déi Leit déi nach mussen d’Resultater vun hierem Examen eraschécken, oder mol nach hiert aktuellt Joër packen).

Domat sin ech ab September dann definitiv op der Uni zu Glamorgan. :) T’war jo och guer net sou schwéier. :)

Sanctuary

A lake. It could have been any, but all you longed for was a lake. Perhaps because lakes have always been shining with tranquility, perhaps because as a child you passed so many holidays at lakes, perhaps because any other place you could think of didn’t give you a feeling of comfort.

You had enough of your life, so you simply bought a ticket out. A flight to Canada. The country you always wanted to live in. Going to the Sun. That’s the fitting name of the road you followed to get here. Now you are standing here, mountains around you on three sides, a forest behind you, sand underneath you, blue sky above you, clear water in front of you. There’s a small island a few hundred meters away. You wonder whether you would feel even more liberated there. But then again, you have no boat and swimming there does not seem worth it after all.

Silence. Restfulness. Finally you can draw breath, let your thoughts breathe and your heart calm down. You smell the scent of the sea that reminisces you of your childhood. A feeling of peacefulness streams through your body. At last, you begin to forget the anger, the stress and everything that has been bugging you for so long. That all seems to be part of a different life. You are here, alone, but for the first time in years, you have a feeling of wholeness, about which you wondered so long if it existed at all.

You are neither beset with joy nor any other feeling, positive or negative. You are quiescent, a state so particular that at first, you aren’t even able to name it. Quiescence however does never last and you almost fall into a feeling of sadness. But this lake, this scenery somehow gives you the strength not to give into melancholy or nostalgia that have been haunting you in your old life. No, you wouldn’t let them take away this beautiful moment. This trice is yours alone, an eternity that allows you to escape from the boundaries your old life imposed on you.

You haven’t brought anything with you. You turn around and look at the forest. You sit down and admire this lake with the small island. You lie down and look up to the sky. Yes, this is your secret retreat. And you will never leave it again. Ever.

St Mary Lake, Canada
St Mary Lake / Canada – picture taken by Jon Sullivan

[song of the moment: Breathe me (Six Feet Under Series Finale Version) by Sia]